Leaning into the uncomfortableness of not knowing…


I recently attended a couple of workshops ‘Letting the Field Speak’, by Anu Azrael.  

What is 'Letting the Field Speak' you may ask… good question! 

For me, it’s about getting out of my own way, surrendering to and accessing my heart and truth through sacred listening.  It means sitting in silence, silencing the thinking mind and leaning into feeling uncomfortable in the silence. 

I see the field as my inner world, the part of ourselves we are afraid to access, it’s the voice that is always whispering our deepest desires, as we close our eyes at night and in the blissful hush of a new morning.  All we need to do is surrender to its whispers and let its sweet messages reverberate through us, body, mind and soul.  That is where we find our truth. 

Equally the field is all around us, an infinite source of wisdom and guidance that we can tap into, if we give ourselves permission to master the art of surrender.  It’s from this space of infinite wisdom, that our worldly fears no longer exist, and we are surrounded by our deepest truth.  Sometimes our truth appears in symbols or random words that sound like gobbledygook.  The more time you spend time accessing your infinite wisdom, the easier it becomes to decipher the meaning of what is being expressed.

In order to access this wisdom, we need to become still and we need to become uncomfortable with not knowing, which we as humans are not very good at doing.  We have a deep-seated desire for certainty and control.  If we err on the side of being overly controlling, we can undermine our happiness. 

Not knowing can get damn uncomfortable.

The workshop with Anu was really about practicing and deepening into surrender in all aspects of our lives and becoming the fluid wisdom of the field, so that we can lead our lives from our magical heart space.

Anu allows the work to unfold through his own vulnerability in letting the field speak through him and guides the group towards accessing the field for individual healing and ultimately that echoes out into the collective for healing.

What struck me initially, at the first workshop I attended, was my own uncomfortableness with not knowing what was going to happen next and of course in a group context, your feelings are amplified by everyone else feeling uncomfortable. Even though it’s a virtual space the feeling is palpable.  It’s almost like you can hear everyone shuffling in their seats with expectation.

As you begin to settle into the session the silence is almost deafening.

This is where the magic is - in the suspension.  In limboness. (yup just made that word up!)

This is where we learn to hold space for silence and our own feeling of vulnerability.

As I sat through the first session, accepting the invitation to become still and lean into the uncomfortableness of not knowing, I realised that there is magic in this liminal space.  It’s within this stillness that we can truly tap into our souls’ deepest desires, including what is holding us back.  We hold an infinite depth of wisdom within us, at our very fingertips when we need it.

When we hold space for the unknown and release our expectations, that is when we can truly begin to follow the magical threads that our heart is revealing to us.  It is from this space of open heartedness that we will begin to see synchronicities unfolding.

My own experiences in Anu’s latest workshop was harder than the first one.  In both workshops I could feel the survivor in me react, I felt these reactions in my body quite strongly bringing a deeper awareness to myself and being able to give myself the permission to feel the reaction and let my inner survivor know that it is safe to continue, I have this!

During the session, we were put in 1:1 groups, where each person was invited to let the field speak… no matter what came through.  It can be hard to surrender to random words…. I recall saying things like my heart hurts, like it wants to expand, and I won’t let it.  Maybe it is growing pains.  There is concrete in my system. 

All of this allowed me to access what was going on with me on a deeper level.  The gobbledygook of what was being expressed through me, was an expansive process and a lot of these messages from my heart made more sense as the week unfolded.

After this very thought-provoking session, I tapped into a Podcast by a wonderful healer I met online recently, Healing and Awakening with Gaia.  It was here in her first episode that some of gobbledegook I had expressed in the session made sense.

We are all high vibrational creatures and in this podcast Gaia talks about how we step down in vibration when we come to the concrete earth plane, where there is lots of distortion, illusion and the trappings of the ego and untruths that we have to navigate through. 

AHA moment!  Lightbullllllb! Cha-ching!  I was on the money!

The weight of society expectations and patriarchal constructs had encased my heart in concrete, and I am now beginning to feel these concrete walls beginning to crumble.

Remember what I said earlier about sometimes having to decode messages from our heart?

The messages I have been receiving, since the New Moon in May, is that it is time to refocus my vision, from the concrete constructs of this world and into my passion for supporting people in bringing deeper meaning to their lives, to liberate themselves from past programming, to feel inspired to live a life of authenticity.

When we open our hearts up its deepest desires, we can take active steps to move through what is holding us back and have the confidence to allow the wisdom of our hearts to shine through in all aspects of our lives.

Learning to become fluid in the wisdom of the field, allows leaders, leaders-in-waiting to drop the masks and roles we have assigned ourselves, enabling us to truly tap into heart centred integrity, giving us the confidence to be of service in a real and authentic way.

With love

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